flipping the "on" switch

lg's note: i thought originally that i'd write about the items in my list in the order i posted them. roughly, that is the chronology of those experiences. then again, my post about my visit with persephone is more complex in plot, and requires a good deal of background. not to mention that i want to give her an editing pass before i publish . . .

so, it is with sincere apologies that i inform you that i've decided to skip to number 3. this is, admittedly, the most cryptic list item. i hope you enjoy.

*********

did you know that i have an "on" switch?

i'm sure at least some of you have noticed, my sexual interest is quite capable of zooming from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds flat. i've mentioned before that it feels like someone flips the switch on inside me, and suddenly, i'm reveling in the sensual pleasures of spoons, and my mind is stuck in my panties.

the minor mystery was always what made the switch flip. there's the obvious: a hand tangled in my hair, a kiss with teeth, being pressed back against a wall, being touched on the ass. but all of those require someone else's hand/mouth/weight to work. what i've discovered is different: it's the way i can flip my own switch, independent of anybody else.

for a girl that's struggled with her sexualilty's hold/cold routine, this is a momentous discovery. it means i can turn myself on. it means i know how to bring out the slut when i want to. intriguing and dangerous. exciting and scary. do i dare to tell you?

at the burlesque show (which is, as promised, a post in itself) i bought a pair of pasties. one of the performers made them, and sold them at intermission. i thought it would be a cute memento, and i liked the idea of supporting the dancer with my purchase. i joked with my friends that i'd have to sneak them out on mark one of these days. thought they might be a cute surprise.

they are pink, sequined hearts. with tassels.

the first tip should have been that i was mildly obsessed with talking about them, and talking about how i would get adhesive for them (aka eyelash glue). if i had been paying attention, i might have noticed my greater than average interest in trying these things out. but i didn't notice. i thought it was all fun.

then, a few days after that, i decided to try them on. not having bought any eyelash glue, i decided to try using double-sided tape. i stuck a two inch strip inside the little cone of one of the pasties, and then peeled the backing off to reveal the doubled side. i pressed the little cone into my areola. the edges were a little bit rough, the sequins pressed a little bit uncomfortably into my tender, pink skin. after i attached the second one, i raised my eyes to the mirror.

for a girl with a nice rack, i've never really connected my submission with my tits. i mean, i've taken pics of them, and used them to get attention, but i've never thought of them as more than a showy, but sometimes inconvenient, physical fact. i've certainly never thought of them as such deliciously shiny toys. but, there, in the mirror, were these incredibly sexy, transfixing objects.

i turned myself on.

i thought: i need to put on some cute panties. so i dug out the frilliest, girliest, ruffled pink panties i own. i liked what i saw in the mirror, but there was one detail missing: the pigtails. once i put my hair up, it was complete.

i lifted up onto my toes and bounced my heels. the tassels wooshed around. my tits were transformed from something pedestrian to something shiny. something round, something beautiful. something slutty. i felt like a bona fide fucktoy. an object. a cute, pink, pigtailed, girly hole. i don't think i've ever felt that objectified alone.

damn.

whipping my lingerie drawer open, i grabbed out four items in this order: lollipop vibrator. butt plug. lube. ball gag. i crawled to the center of the bed, still transfixed by the hot thing in the mirror. i rolled my hips from side to side. i admired the sway of my ass, the curve of my waist, the bounce of my pink, sequined titties. there was something so transfixing about them, i couldn't stop looking. i grabbed the lollipop, stuck it in my mouth for a second, then pulled my panties to the side, and pressed it into me. i was slick, and my clit was already thumping. the vibrations felt amazing.

fuck.

i grabbed the ball gag. i barely dropped my gaze as i opened my mouth wide, and bit around the shiny red ball. i fastened the strap behind my neck, and i pulled the ends of my pigtails out of the strap. i can never decide if my favorite part is the taste of the ballgag, or the way my mouth is filled. or the drool. but i know that the ballgag is a guaranteed, one-way ticket to melty-land. about one minute in, i had to lay down. my eyelids were heavy. i couldn't keep watching myself.

laying on my back, i planted my feet wide on the bed. if i could just get my head together enough, i knew what i wanted next. i sort of half-rolled over toward the butt plug. i ran my fingers over it, and poured some lube onto the tip. my lube is white, opaque. i love the way it looks on my plug. it looks like cum. after moving the lube around with my finger, i pressed the tip of the plug against my ass. the lube was cold, wet. i thought about how good my titties had looked in the mirror. i thought about what a slutty little fucktoy i was.

i pressed the plug in.

the soles of my feet pressed into the mattress as my hips undulated up. i grabbed the lollipop again.

holy oh fuck mmmmmmmmm.

there is nothing that makes me shake harder, cum faster, grind longer, or tremble deeper than some snappy vibration on my slippery wet clit while there's something in my ass.

perfect fucking storm.

so um, yes. i found out that a pair of pasties turns me into a ravenous slut. who would have ever guessed?

a few things

dearest readers of little girl's submission,

in a little more than a week, something is going to change. when that something changes, i will have time, and more importantly, appropriate space to write. there are a few things that i want to write about, so i'm making a list. here. you won't let me get out of it, will you?

i thought not.


1. i spent a whole day (and a night) with persephone. it's quite the adorable thing that happens when two submissives go to bed together, and really, you will all enjoy this story very much.

2. i went to my first burlesque show.

3. i had an unexpected reaction to something i bought

4. i have decided to start taking a dance class

these things are all (semi) related, but i don't think that one post would do them justice.

also, i would be remiss if i didn't note my sadness at the (hopefully temporary) cessation of mr. deity's writing. he has been a very important part of my growth, and i will miss reading his posts very much. i hope that he enjoys his time away from his journal, and that he returns to us replenished. thank you mr. deity for all that you have given me. your journal was always thought-provoking, and oftentimes, quite hypnotic. i am very grateful for the insights you brought to the (largely female, largely submissive) community of bdsm writers. you are a gentleman, and an inspiration. i miss you already.

thanks to all of your for your patience with me. i'm not the most consistent writer, but i do care about you all, and i hope this short note finds you well.


sincerely,


little girl

details

I saw this on Gray Lily's site, and thought it would be fun.

1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night?
i like to sleep after i orgasm. anytime that i can catch a catnap afterward works (morning, noon, or night)

2. On which side of the bed do you sleep?
when i'm in the bed, facing the ceiling, i'm on the right side. it's also the farthest side from the door, but the closest side to the window

3. Pork, beef, or chicken?
shaking beef, please

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
no. i managed to parallel park first (in my neighborhood), then i puked.

5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on?
the left. and i do a little jumpy dance to get tight jeans over my ample booty. mark loves this move, it cracks him up.

6. Candles or incense?
candles.

7. Do you dance when no one is watching?
i dance no matter who is watching me. i love to dance.

8. Did you play doctor when you were little?
oh yes. my next door neighbor (girl) and i had an ongoing inspection dr. game that involved sticking our fingers into eachother's holes. i loved it.

9. Stove top cooking or microwave?
my mom never let us eat microwaved food, so i'm still leery of it. stove top.

10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty?
my car. it's far easier to clean

11. Shower or bath?
i shower most of the time, but i love a good bath!

12. Do you pee in the shower?
not regularly, but if i need to . . .

13. Mexican or Chinese food?
both. yum!

14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
aggressive, jeez. (i bet you didn't know that, huh?)

15. Do you own sex toys?
yup. not enough buzzy ones though since i killed my third rabbit :(

16. Corn dogs or hot dogs?
hot dogs. with ketchup, not mustard!

17. Your favorite restaurant?
i really liked parilla when i went there.

18. What did you have for lunch today?
salad with nonfat italian dressing.

19. When did you last fall down?
on the escalator the other day, getting off the train. i didn't fall all the way, but i caught my toe because i was trying to sprint up the left side.

20. Have you ever wished someone were dead?
yes. i still do. everyone says that's bad, but i don't mean it in a vengeful way. just that if this particular person would die, i would like it. it would please me. if it happened. big deal!

21. Love or money?
depends on what for.

22. Credit cards or cash?
cash.

23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
see note re:wishing someone dead. yes.

24. Oreos or vanilla wafers?
oreos. yum.

25. How do you like your steak cooked?
medium rare.

26. How do you like your eggs cooked?
a true over medium (which no restaurant ever gets right) or scrambled with cheese :)

27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight?
no. i'm a little girl, not a street fighter!

28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel?
five stars. i hate camping.

29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
minor surgery. i have dental anxiety, and a root canal sounds terrible!

30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
depends on how much money. that would be itchy growing back!

31. Would you rather have lice or an STD?
lice because you can get rid of it with special shampoo. there are lots of permanent STDs

32. What's your favorite hard candy?
butterscotch discs or werther's original.

33. Ever been to a strip club?
oh yes

34. Ever been to a bar?
duh.

35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
no.

36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
nope. i'm a lightweight, so i would be sick before i would get that far

37. Kissed someone of the same sex?
oh yes ;)

38. Had sex in the car?
uh huh

39. Had sex at the beach?
no

40. Had sex in a movie theater?
no

41. Had sex in a bathroom?
in the shower

42. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
uh huh. it embarasses me every time!

43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
speaking of the lovely writers to the right, yes. there are.

44. Have you been caught having sex?
by my dad. when i lost my virginity. (cringe)

45. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
yep. i was a candy raver at one point and i kissed a few strangers.

46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you?
oh yes.

once upon a time

long ago when i was 23, i placed an ad on craigslist. i can't remember the specifics of the ad, but i do remember that it led me to meeting with the professor.

the professor liked the idea of meeting with a lithe young thing, and i couldn't resist the idea of meeting with an older, smarter man. after we exchanged a number of emails, and chatted, we eventually agreed to meet at a coffeeshop not far from my house. the professor had one request for our meeting: that i dress like the little school girl i wanted to be.

i had no idea how much i fetishized school uniforms until i went shopping to accommodate this request.

the idea of wearing a stereotypical "naughty schoolgirl" outfit has never appealed to me. there is something too obvious, too sexual, and far too forward about the cliche plaid miniskirt, and the collared shirt tied high above the navel. to me, this looks too much like a stripper (which is, admittedly, an altogether different fantasy).

i was always particularly drawn to school uniforms, even when i was still in school. i wished that i had some mandated form of dress. the schoolgirl look that activated me (and still makes me embarrassingly damp) was based on reality: a knee length skirt. a  modest white blouse. a solid, scholastic-looking cardigan. this is the idea of the schoolgirl that i set out to capture for my meeting with the professor.

i still remember the erotic charge i got while shopping in the school uniforms section of a department store. i coveted the khaki skirts and the peter pan collars. i ran my fingers dreamily over the navy sweaters and the white ankle socks. i felt guilty for fetishizing these "real" girls' uniforms, but i couldn't help it. the jumpers, the little skorts. all of the trappings of the "real" school uniform i'd always wanted, but never had sang to me from their labeled plastic hangers. nevermind that my 23 year old body meant i had to buy a size 18. i couldn't wait to see myself in a real uniform, just like i'd always wanted. after blushing my way into, and out of, the dressing room, i left the store with a khaki skirt, pleated in the front, with little buttons, a navy pullover sweater and a white blouse with a primly rounded collar. and, a pair of white socks that folded over at the ankle.

getting dressed about an hour before i was supposed to meet the professor, i began to feel slightly nervous. not only was i meeting an internet stranger for the first time, i was actually revealing the little girl side of me quite obviously for the very first time. although i've always looked young, at 23, i couldn't imagine that anyone would really believe i had to wear that outfit because i went to a school with a uniform. i was wearing my fantasy on my sleeve, literally. and i could barely get myself out of the house and into the car when i thought about what other people would think when they saw me. i couldn't lift my eyes from the sidewalk as i made my way to the coffeeshop. i was sure that eye contact would dispel me into a blushing pile.

when i walked in, i had to lift my head and look around. there, by the window, with a wide grin and salt and pepper hair. there was the professor. after he bought me a hot cocoa, he patted the chair beside him as he sat again. i slid in next to him, staring shyly at the cocoa-swirled foam on the top of my cup. i pressed my cold hands into the mug, hoping the warmth would seep into me and stop my shaking. but my face burned.

he whispered in my ear "you look delicious."

i kept my eyes down, and smiled. i felt so exposed. everyone in the shop could tell what i wanted. the way the professor was looking at my left little doubt that he would make sure i got it, too.

he continued to taunt and arouse me for the next hour or so. once i felt sure that this was something i wanted, that he was someone i wanted to try this with, i agreed to follow him to a nearby hotel. he waited for me in the garage, and took my hand like a father would. i could barely look as we walked in the front door together. he was so obviously old enough to be my father. i so obviously looked like a dirty little schoolgirl.

he gripped my hand tightly as he checked us in. my head spun with desire and humiliation. here i was, exposing myself as the real life naughty schoolgirl. i was about to live a huge fantasy. and was so overwhelmed with excitement, humilation, desire, wanting, and adrenaline that i couldn't stop my knees from shaking, or warm my hands.

when he was done at the desk, he turned and i followed. up the hall. into the elevator lobby. up, up, up. up to the 10th floor. out of the elevator, and down the long, hotel hallway. the carpet looked like a magician's vest, and it made me feel even dizzier.

he pushed me against the door to the room, and kissed me. and suddenly, i felt so, so so ready. he clicked the door open behind me and flicked on a light, maybe drank a glass of water. he told me to sit on the edge of the bed.

it was a nice hotel, and the bed was lofty. i sat on the end, and let my legs dangle, my little black maryjanes tapping against the footboard.

he told me to open my legs. i pressed into the bed with my arms, leaned back a bit, and obeyed. i heard him hiss as he watched my knees part.

i had chosen the panties carefully. they were softly striped in white and pink. gauzy mesh, no lace. bikini cut. he cooed about them for a while, running his fingers over the my mound, the thin material providing almost no insulation. his hand was warm, big.

i was still nervous. he sensed this, and promised that he wouldn't take my panties off unless and until i told him to. i took a modicum of comfort from this promise. i lay back on the bed. he flicked his fingers expertly over my slit, and i pressed into his palm. he teased me with his thumb, pressing just lightly inside of me. the barrier of pink striped mesh kept him from moving deeper. secure inside my flimsy armor, i relaxed and concentrated on his hands and my cunt. i was starting to respond, arching my back off the bed, pressing my feet into the footboard with a clack of leather on wood.

his tongue was a surprise. i flinched, but he reached up and patted me as if to say, "there, there." i've never been very comfortable with receiving oral attention. i would much rather open my mouth to a cock, than open my legs to a mouth. but i also didn't want him to stop. my panties were soaked now, with his spit, and my lubrication. he pushed them to the side. sort of cheating, but not actually removing them. i forgot to care once his hot mouth landed on my core.

his fingers slid into me, probing. his tongue kept working over and around my clit, making me squirm. partially, i was self-conscious, and partially, i was getting close to cumming. i felt incredibly vulnerable, split open on the edge of the bed. and the combination of his mouth, fingers, and my "not sure i like this, not sure i don't like it" mindframe set me over. i pressed hard with my feet into the footboard, arched my back in anticipation, and bit my lip.

it was the first and only time i ever had an orgasm like that. i hated the fact that he was there, tasting my quivering pink, and the fact that he was there, despite my discomfort, made me quiver even harder.

fixation

i'm sitting at lunch at the place i sometimes go around the corner. i always order their minestrone soup. today is no exception. i know i'm in trouble when i start noticing the way the spoon feels gliding in and out of my mouth (hot from the soup. hot, hard, curvy metal). i know i'm in trouble when i'm relishing the texture of each vegetable: tomato (soft, warm and gooshy), zucchini (a little firmer, something to bite into). im sucking on the round little pasta shells, making them pull at the inside of my mouth. i'm toying my lips around the edge of the plastic straw in my water glass. i'm concentrating way too hard on its cold, smooth roundness, pushing my lips out in a mild pucker.

really, what i'm thinking about is your cock. the moment i acknowledge this to myself, i feel my cheeks burning. it's times like these that i'm glad no one can read minds like that character on "heroes." even without mind reading powers, i feel certain that someone is watching me work my mouth around the various pieces of my lunch, the straw, the spoon. this idea makes me want to cringe, but totally arouses me.

momentarily, i notice the way i'm sitting. i've crossed my legs at the ankle, tucking feet back by exerting pressure on the balls of my feet. but my knees aren't touching, although they're within 2 inches of each other.

this tiny gap makes me feel like a bad little girl. there's cool air circulating around my thighs. the hem of my (below the knee) skirt is, conveniently, raised over my knee when i'm sitting. the guy across from me isn't looking, is he? no, it appears he's on his cellphone. even so, i'm tingling all over.
this is the reason they call it a fixation, i decide, as i furtively dart the pink point of my tongue across the inside fleshy bit of my lower lip. this is the spot i suck on. this is the spot i sometimes bite when i cum, or when i'm trying to stop myself from cumming. at this moment, i'm running my tongue across it so gently that it almost tickles. this is the reason they call it a fixation. i can't stop i can't stop i can't stop i can't stop. all i can think about is my mouth. or more accurately: things in my mouth.

i remember how a guy i used to date would stick his fingers in my mouth sometimes. not while we were having sex (although occasionally when he would go down on me). he would stick his fingers in my mouth and move them in and out like he was fucking my face. he would do this in the car, or when i was sitting on the floor in front of him, watching tv. he would do it casually, in the middle of something. that's what drove me absolutely wild about it. he would stick his fingers in my mouth like it was his to do what he wanted with. he didn't ask. i don't think i ever told him to do that. hell, i don't think i ever admitted that i liked it (although maybe my eagerly parting lips and my rapid little tongue gave me away). i'm thinking about someone sticking something in my mouth. i'm beyond the point of caring exactly who, or exactly what. that's why they call it fixation.

there's something so terribly dirty (and terribly hot) about being at this point of wanting without caring. i've lost my pickiness. i've lost my pride. i want someone to stick something in my mouth. that's all. i would be eternally grateful to anyone that did. i've lost my standards, i've stopped caring. i want someone to please, please, please stick something in my mouth. i'm thinking of the softness of my tongue and lips. i'm thinking of the hardness of your cock. but really, it doesn't even have to be that nice. (considering i'm working my spoon over, i don't think i'm in the position to judge).

i'm thinking of your fingers, and i'm wishing they were here. i'm thinking of your cock, imagining being on my knees. i'm so, so, so eager to wrap my mouth around something, anything.

but apparently, this spoon will have to do

that's why they call it fixation.

ask the little girl: becoming an anal girl

I'm no sexpert, but I'll always give honest answers. Lauren emailed me with the following question a couple of days ago. I gave them some thought, and sat down to write her back. I'm hoping this can be a new feature (plus, it will give me something to write about). So, go ahead and ask the little girl at littlegirlyone @ g mail . com. (Spaces inserted to foil spambots; you know what an email address looks like, right?)

Hi littlegirl,

I've been reading your blog for a few months now and I am slowly going back into the archives to read what I've missed so far. I read your posts today, 'anal girl' and 'never have i ever...' Now, I understand that you're not an advice column but if you are ok with responding (I totally understand if you don't want to, it's pretty personal) I'd like to ask you a quick question. My boyfriend wants to have anal sex and I am TERRIFIED of it because I am the furthest thing from a painslut. I've had an enema before, which was not pleasurable like your experience, but I have never had anal sex. Are the feelings similar between the enema and anal? I just have a very low tolerance to pain and I can't get my mind wrapped around how it can be pleasurable. So, I guess what I am asking is if you find it pleasurable because the essence of pain turns you on? Or if I am making a big deal out of nothing and it might not hurt as bad as I imagine?

Thanks,

lauren


hey lauren,

no worries about the advice columnist thing. i'm totally flattered. in fact, you have just given me an idea for a feature: ask the little girl! anyway. i think your question is: can i have anal sex, and will i enjoy it if i'm not a masochist? and, does anal feel like an enema?

to the first part, my answer is yes yes yes! you can enjoy anal without being a masochist because anal doesn't have to hurt. granted, girls like me sort of *like* it to hurt, at least a little. hell, some like it to hurt a whole lot. but, it can be super sensual and feel amazing and not hurt at all, or at least, only for a little bit.

if you don't like enemas, i wouldn't suggest one. the two things i like most about them are 1) the warm water feels nice; and 2) then i don't have to worry about messiness. just take a nice bath or something instead, and give your girl parts a good scrub with a washcloth (just for your own peace of mind, you know). basically, you want to feel as clean, sexy and soft as you can.

next, bust out the good lube. i don't know if you're using a condom or not. (water-based lube always for condoms!) i like slip inside, a water-based lube they used to sell at good vibrations. apparently, however, oil-bsed lubes are the gold standard for anal sex. (probably because they are thicker and more emollient.) use the thickest, slipperiest lube you can find that is appropriate for your situation. have your boy rub it all over yourass. he should definitely use some fingers, or a really small butt plug to get the lube inside you, as well as on the outside. he also needs to put lots and lots of lube on his cock. i can't say this enough times: if you don't want it to hurt, you can't use too much lube. put it everywhere.

i think fingers are a nice way to start. they're relatively small and, as long as there's no long nails, smooth and easily controlled. start with one finger (yours or his). if it hurts, go slower and add more lube (it shouldn't hurt). add another, maybe up to three. this should be sensual and make you feel hot and wanting. if you're scared, you're going to be tense and then you're going to be tight, and that will make it hurt. the goal here is to get you to want him in your ass.

when you're feeling ready, he can press the tip of his cock on your asshole. i mean it, the tip! don't feel like you have to let him lead at this point, let him know the second it feels uncomfortable. if it hurts, go slower and add lube. he can slowly, slowly feed more of his cock into your ass. don't be scared. tell him to pull back and add more lube anytime it hurts. take your time. work him in tiny bits at a time. relax, close your eyes, and feel him pushing into you. it should feel like stretching, but it shouldn't feel painful. when he pushes in, think about opening to him. don't get scared--you will tense up. if it helps, you be the one in control of penetration. you push your ass onto his cock when you are ready for more. tell him not to move, just to let you work it in yourself.

another trick is to change positions if it hurts. i have fantasies about having anal sex in the doggy style position, but thus far, i haven't been able to take a cock in my ass without pain when i'm on my hands and knees. i have to be on my back, more like classic missionary. try that position first, if that doesn't work, try laying on your stomach, or try being on top. basically, experiment and see because you might be able to take it in one position and not another.

once you get it all the way in, stop, breathe, and celebrate what a dirty little anal whore you are (if you like that kind of thing). this is where it can get fun. if your man likes to talk dirty, this would be a prime opportunity for him to comment on how hot you are, how your ass feels amazing, etc. he cannot just start banging away like he could in your pussy. he just has to accept that this is different, and that he will need to start slow and gentle, at least for now.

when you are ready, have him move it a bit. see what feels good. sometimes moving in circles feels better and is easier than thrusting in and out. play with the new sensations. touch your clit. if you're anything like me, your clit will be begging for some attention at this point. (i'm almost always dripping wet when something fills my ass.) try to enjoy the fullness feeling, and you will enjoy the sensation more. if you can rub yourself to orgasm with his cock in your ass, be prepared for a head spinning, nonesense-making orgasm that will leave you weak in the knees. if you have one of those, i'll bet you'll be a little more interested the next time your man wants to do it like that. once i had an orgasm when my ass was full, i turned into a full on anal girl.

ok, all that talk of anal sex is making me wet. let's move to your other question: does anal feel like an enema? the short answer is no. because anal involves a pretty solid and hard penetration, and enemas involve very small penetration by the nozzle, and then the sensation of water. enemas go farther up in your colon and anal canal than a cock ever can, though. so, if some of your dislike of enemas is that feeling of the water being deep inside, anal won't give you that feeling. if enemas are painful/give you cramps, remember it's the enema water up there causing all the commotion. his cock and the lube just won't get that far up.

i hope this answered your questions. please let me know if there's more i can tell you. i'm so worked up after writing all that, i think i might have to sneak off to the bathroom . . .

(*hides blushing face in hands*)

the disciplinarian

cross-posted with my fetlife profile. if we're not friends yet, i'd love you to add me :)

the way you look at me makes my insides twist with longing. but i can't see your eyes now, because i'm facing the wall. it occurs to me that i could turn my head, glance

i want to, i want to, i want to.

this thing happens when i stand close to you: it's hard to breathe. my chest feels heavy with the thickness of desire. i want to breathe you in, i want to absorb your energy, but it's too much. it overwhelms me, viscous like maple syrup.

i sway a little, closing my eyes, focusing on absorbing. just like a little sponge, i am absorbing all the mapley goodness i can hold, and sadly allowing some to puddle on the floor. i can't hold it all. you know i can't hold it all.

but, i want to, i want to, i want to.

the way you stand behind me, the way i can't see what you're doing, or whether you have something in your hands, the way you continue to surprise me, the anticipation of what you will probably do, the humiliation of what i'm hoping you will do, and the desire i have for you to do those things (anything you want with me). all these connected thoughts swirl inside me and make the hair on the back of my neck sway in the breeze you create just by moving the slightest bit in the space behind me.

i'm fully dressed, but i feel bare. afterall, you know what i've been thinking about all day. you made sure i'd think about it. you always do. getting your message: the cold tone, the evenhandedness, the complete control. i really don't affect you. not the way i'm used to, not at all. i don't bring out your mercy, and that both thrills and scares me. i put myself in your hands and i know you will make sure i'm safe, taken care of, but not neccessarily happy. no, not happy at all sometimes. but fulfilled. fulfilled by the fact that i'm not happy, but that my unhappiness is making you happy. fulfilled by wanting you so so so so badly. wanting to touch you. wanting to wrap my pink lips around your cock. wanting to feel that little rush, that charge of erotic power that i always feel.

i can make you feel good, and you don't care. the fact that you don't care makes me squirm with desire to show you. there are all these things i can do, things that you would enjoy. things that might make you want me. but you never let me do these things, and the more you deny me, the more i want to.

i want to, i want to, i want to.

"little girl, why are you here?"

your voice makes me jump, even though it was a whisper. i'm hot with humiliation, i'm staring at the floor. i'm pink with need, i'm wet like a dew-kissed petal. i can't say it. i've formed six words into a string but i can't spit it out. i open my mouth, slack jawed.

i. close. my. eyes.

"i need you to punish me."